Emotional challenges with your stoma

This guide is here to help you understand what you might be feeling, why those feelings are valid, and where you can find the support you need.

Coping with the emotional challenges of having a stoma

Your stoma may have been formed for a variety of reasons including cancer, trauma, inflammatory bowel disease or incontinence.

The reason your surgery was necessary may have a bearing on how you adapt to life with your stoma.

For some people, a stoma comes as a welcome relief after years of living with a reduced quality of life because of their illness.

Others may feel a sense of loss and look to their stoma as something they do not wish to have. This is a common and understandable reaction.

It is important to know that you may go through periods of sadness and grief, and feel anxious at times. Don’t be too hard on yourself, and allow your emotions to surface. It is OK to feel angry, sad or want to cry.

Learning to cope with your stoma emotionally as well as practically will not come to you overnight.

We all learn to accept changes in our lives at different speeds, and for some this will take longer than others.

It is helpful to talk about these feelings with anyone who you feel comfortable with; your partner, family, friends or your Stoma Care Nurse.

They will be there to offer support and help along the way. There are also support groups and associations offering help and advice from people who are already living with a stoma.

Stomas and mental health: How surgery can affect you mentally

It is not unusual to experience low mood, anxiety, or even depression following stoma surgery. These feelings can arise at any stage - immediately after your operation, during recovery, or or later on as you adjust to day-to-day life with a stoma.

Some of the most common emotional responses include:

• Grief and loss - adjusting to changes in your body can trigger a genuine grieving process.

• Anxiety - worrying about leaks, odour, or what others may think can cause significant day-to-day stress.

• Low self-esteem - changes to your body image can affect how you see and feel about yourself.

• Social withdrawal - some people find it difficult to return to social activities, work or public spaces.

• Fear of intimacy - concerns about relationships and how a partner may react are very common.

Recognising these feelings as a normal part of adjustment - rather than a sign of weakness - is an important first step. If your emotional wellbeing feels overwhelming, speaking to your GP or a mental health professional is always a positive step.

For more focused guidance, explore our Body Image and Sex, Intimacy & Relationship Advice pages.

Managing anxiety after stoma surgery

While everyone’s experience is different, there are a number of practical strategies that can help manage anxiety and low mood as you adjust to life with a stoma.

Establish a routine

Building a consistent daily routine around your stoma care can help to reduce uncertainty and anxiety. As you become more confident in managing your stoma bag, those feelings of worry often lessen naturally.

Stay connected

Isolation can intensify difficult emotions. Even if you are not ready to discuss your stoma openly, maintaining contact with friends, family and loved ones can provide vital emotional grounding.

Prioritise your physical wellbeing

Gentle exercise and a balanced diet can make a meaningful difference to your mood and energy levels.

Be patient with yourself

There is no set timeline for adjustment. Give yourself permission to take each day as it comes, and try not to compare your progress with others.

Who should I tell about my stoma?

You may be anxious about how other people will treat you now you have a stoma. Only you can decide who to tell and when.

Some individuals choose to tell family and friends from the beginning, and this can help with adapting to life with a stoma..

Others prefer to keep things private until they feel ready, which is equally valid.

If you are in a relationship, you may worry about how your partner will respond.

It can also help to plan what you might say in advance - having a few simple sentences ready can make the conversation feel less daunting. Your Stoma Care Nurse can offer guidance on approaching these conversations too.

How your stoma care nurse can help with emotional wellbeing

Your Stoma Care Nurse plays a vital role, not just in the practical management of your stoma, but in your emotional wellbeing too. They are trained to support you through the psychological challenges of stoma surgery and can offer a safe, nonjudgmental space to talk through your feelings.

Do not hesitate to reach out to your Stoma Care Nurse if you:

• Are struggling to come to terms with having a stoma

• Feel persistently low, anxious or withdrawn

• Have concerns about body image, relationships or returning to normal activities

• Are not sure whether what you are experiencing is normal

They can also refer you to additional mental health support if needed, and put you in touch with stoma support communities where you can connect with others who truly understand what you are going through.

Finding stoma support groups and online communities

Knowing that others share your experiences can be enormously reassuring. There is a growing and supportive stoma community, and connecting with them can make a real difference to how you feel day to day.

Salts Healthcare works with a range of stoma support groups and patient associations across the UK, where you can meet others who are already living with their stoma.

These groups offer practical advice, shared experience, and a real sense of community.

We also offer Ostique Connect by Salts, a community platform where you can connect with other ostomates, access resources, and find encouragement at every stage of your journey.